Many newlyweds are often worried about their future relationship with their
in-laws. This can be even more nerve-wracking if you are moving in with
them.
The first thing you need to do is tell yourself that you will make every
effort to love and get along with your in-laws. Remember that they are also in
an awkward position and may be just as nervous as you.
Follow these tips
to ensure a healthy relationship between both families.
"I heard
my mom’s sister’s husband’s cousin’s mother-in-law was HORRIBLE…” Think
of every horror story anyone has ever told you about an evil mother-in-law and
then throw them all out the window. The horror stories are more entertaining
than the happy ones, ensuring that they get passed along more often. Don’t
let them get to you or mold your particular relationships. This is easier said
than done, which makes it such an important piece of advice.
Talk
to your spouse. Share all your concerns and fears about your in-laws
with your spouse and you may find out that many are irrational. You may think
that your mother-in-law doesn’t like you, but your spouse may be able to tell
you that his mom was bragging about you at the last social event. No one knows
your in-laws better than your spouse and they can be a wealth of knowledge when
you want to learn more about them.
Cultural and Generational
Divides. Your in-laws may be much more traditional than your own
parents; or they make speak different languages and come from different cultural
backgrounds. This situation requires a lot of flexibility and compromise, but
there is no reason why you cannot create a perfect relationship. You may not
speak Hindi, but you can always rent a Hindi movie with subtitles and go over to
watch it with your in-laws. We’re sure they’ll appreciate your
effort.
Momma’s Boy. Yes, chances are you ladies out
there will be marrying a man who fits into this category. Your mother-in-law may
think that no other woman could possibly take care of your husband as well as
she can. On the other hand, she may expect you to do everything for him as she
has done for the past 25+ years. This is where it is important to set
boundaries. Tell your husband how you feel and make sure he supports you when
you talk to your mother-in-law about how times have changed. She will need to
realize that you also work outside the house and may not have the free time she
had while raising her children. Also remember that your husband will have a very
special place in his heart for his mother so you should try to steer clear of
causing any major tension between them.
Daddy’s Little
Girl. Men will also have to deal with the father-in-law who thinks that
his daughter is a princess (not that you don’t already think this)! It is very
difficult for many fathers to hand their daughters away to another man. You must
make every effort to show your father-in-law how much you care about his
daughter and how you will be there for her, just as he has been. It is also
important that you try to build a unique relationship with your father-in-law so
he feels comfortable talking to you openly. This will only make him trust you
with his daughter more.
Don’t change yourself. Yes,
your mother-in-law may have dreamt of a quiet, homely, daughter-in-law who can’t
think of anything more exciting than dressing up in elaborate Indian outfits and
wearing pounds of gold. But this may not be you. Don’t change who you are
just to please your in-laws. You will only regret it later if you do and will
build resentment towards them. Instead, be flexible so that all of you can be
happy. Remember that no relationship will work without mutual
compromises.
All they want is love. Most parents out
there just want their children to love them. Now that you have two sets of
parents, make sure to spread your love between both. Ask your spouse for tips on
what they like most and incorporate that into your behavior. Give your
mother-in-law extra hugs and buy your father-in-law a great gift for Father’s
Day. Showing them some extra love won’t take too much of your time, but it will
go a long distance in strengthening your relationship.
